My school experience (as some of you may have read in previous posts) was quite tough for me. So it was only a matter of time before I started acting out. I was angry about a lot of things. I had deep, emotional issues that I had no idea how to deal with. I didn’t really realise the seriousness of the situation and how toxic my thought process was until now. I was constantly feeling angry. It was like I was within this bubble full of bitterness and looking out I could see this colourful world but within my bubble I was stuck in a black and white routine.
I stopped doing any school work because I hated the fact that I was being forced to learn a tiny little part of a big subject. It came to a point where every week they threatened to kick me out. Every week I had to sit down and have a chat with them where they told me how intelligent I was and that I was just being lazy. Every week my mum was called or emailed and they were basically trying to scare me into getting my shit together. No one ever bothered to find out what else I was feeling.
To me, school felt so controlled. I wished I could have picked what I studied within the particular subjects I chose. There was no freedom. I left sixth form after completing my A-Levels in 2014 and having this time away to reflect I suppose I feel a bit guilty. I don’t feel guilty for acting out as that was the result of the experience I was going through and my teachers should have made more of an effort to support me. However, I do feel guilty for letting myself down. I didn’t finish some of the school projects that I really loved. I thought I would have done better for myself. I should have done better for myself. At sixth form I could have achieved much better grades, if only I wasn’t so angry at the world. If only I wasn’t dealing with all that I had to at the time. If only I was stronger and didn’t let it all get the better of me. My time at school feels like such a loose end. Like I didn’t make the most of it.
I’m going to rectify that guilt. I’m going to finish off the school projects I loved but never completed. I have always felt like there was something wrong with me and that’s why I couldn’t complete anything I started. This blog has proved that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me (well…) and I’m actually fairly intelligent and I can complete something if I put my mind to it. I know it will make me feel so satisfied. Plus like I said I did love these projects, my mind was just a bit cloudy at the time of undertaking them.
So, without further ado, I would like to introduce to you guys the first school project I will be completing. This is from the year when I changed sixth form and re-did year 12. I took textiles (don’t laugh) and the brief was to create an outfit or single garment inspired by the words “hot and spicy”… I wish I was joking. I thought instead of choosing a motif such as an animal, food item (the obvious being a chilli) why don’t I pick a country. I chose India.
Below are some pictures of what I did manage to come up with. I’m going to take what I’ve already done, restart the project and make it amazing this time round.
And most importantly – actually finish it.
I’m going to make #SEWINGSQUAD an actual thing away from my school project and attempt to sew something every week. I need to start from the basics and work my way up to increase my currently very poor skill set. Let’s see how this shapes up. Join me if you’re up for the challenge!
I’ll be sewing one thing a week and posting it up for all of you to see! I’d love for you guys to take part! Just @ me or use the hashtag and show me your wonderful creations. What do you think of my blog? You can comment below, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet me @_HUMAIRAASLAM